he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
