I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
