508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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