its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
