so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
