i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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