Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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