we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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