these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
