Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
