fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize