Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
