ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
