Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
