I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
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