What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
