Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
