so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize