Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize