just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
