We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
