Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
