Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
