can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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