Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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