remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
