This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
