Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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