You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
