so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
