If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
