youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
