with your own penis?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
