And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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