Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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