Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
