When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
