she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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