my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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