I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
BRING THE BAGELS
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
