HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
