why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
