forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
