I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
