TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
