my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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