I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Randomize
