Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
