not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize