I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize