I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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