Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
