you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize