did you get engaged???
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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