If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
