You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
