She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
