Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
