so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
