saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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