I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
