I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
