I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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