I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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