Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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