Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
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