Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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