I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
