I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
