Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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