I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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