i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
