The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think I won the penis lottery.
babies were throwing up all over the place
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
