I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
