I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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